Thursday, April 29, 2010

WHY?

WHY????? THAT WAS WHAT I ASKED MYSELF ON A DAILY BASIS. I WANTED TO KNOW WHY DID I ALLOW MYSELF TO GET LIKE THIS. I COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS HAPPEN TO ME. IT WAS LIKE ONE DAY I WAS LIVING A REGULAR LIFE AND THE NEXT DAY IT WAS ALL GONE. I CAN REMEMBER IT LIKE YESTERDAY,I WAS WORKING AT LITTLE ONES ACADEMY. I HAD JUST STARTED WALKING AT THE LOCAL PARK TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT. I HAD BEEN WALKING THERE ABOUT A MONTH WHEN I NOTICE THAT MY LEG WAS GETTING A LITTLE BIGGER. WHEN I FIRST SEEN IT I WAS THINKING THAT IT WAS ONLY FAT BECAUSE I AM A BIG GIRL. PLUS I HAVE NOTICE MANY OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE WITH EXTRA FAT IN THAT AREA OF THEIR LEG. SO ONE DAY WHEN I GOT HOME FROM WORK I CALLED MY MOM AND TOLD HER THAT SOMETHING WAS GOING ON WITH MY LEG. SO WE SCHEDULED AN APPOINTMENT WITH A DOCTOR AND THEY SAID THAT IT WAS A TUMOR.FROM THERE I HAD TO GO SEE A PALSTIC SURGEON THEN THEY WAS TALKING ABOUT ME AND MY MOM OVER HEARD IT AND WE LEFT AFTER SHE TOLD THEM HOW SHE FELT. SO THE NEXT WEEK A WENT OVER TO ST. MARYS WELLNESS AND ONE OF THE KIDS MOM FROM MY CLASS SEEM ME AND SHE MENTION THAT SHE HAD SEEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT AT A CONFERENCE THAT SHE HAD BEEN TO. SO SHE WROTE THE NAME DOWN ONCE I LEFT THERE I WENT TO LIBRRY TO LOOK UP WHAT SHE HAD TOLD ME. ONCE I LOOKED IT OVER AND CONTACTED A DOCTOR IN ATLANTA THAT DIAGNOSISED ME WITH LYMPHEDEMA. SO I STARTED TREATMENNT FOR IT IN DECATUR FOR AWHILE THEN AFTER A WHILE I HAD TO DISCONTINUE GOING BECAUSE MY MOM AND SISTER HAD TO WORK AND WASNT ABLE TO TAKE ME 4 DAYS A WEEK.SO I START TAKING MYSELF THEN IT ALL STOP BECAUSE I COULD NOT DRIVE WITH MY LEGS WRAPPED UP. SO OVER THE YEARS IT GOT BIGGER AND BIGGER. I WAS TOLD TO LOSE WEIGHT AND THAT WILL HELP REDUCE THE SIZE OF MY LEGS ALOT. I AM WAITING UNITL I GET DOWN ENOUGH SO I CAN GO SOMEWHERE AND GET TREATMENT DONE ON MY LEGS SO I CAN LIVE A NORMAL LIFE. I AM SO TIRED OF BEING TRAPPED IN THIS HOUSE NOT LIVING. THERE IS SO MUCH THAT I DIDNT GET TO DO THAT I NEED TO DO. I DIDNT MAKE IT TO MY 10 YEAR CLASS REUNION. I JUST WANT TO GET OUT AND HAVE FUN LIKE I NEEDED TO. I JUST FEEL SO ROBBED OF MY YOUTH. I WANT TO TRAVEL AND SEE THE WORLD. I WANT TO GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE AND ACTUALLY WALK THE STAGE. I USE TO SIT AND CRY ABOUT MY SITUATION. I WOULD NEVER LET MY FAMILY KNOW HOW I WAS REALLY FEELING UNTIL LAST YEAR FINALLY TOLD MY MOM HOW I HAD BEEN FEELING. I AM SO FOCUSED AND HAVE MADE UP MY MIND THAT THIS IS LIVE OR DIE.I MUST LIVE BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH I NEED TO DO LIKE HELPING MYSELF SO I CAN HELP OTHERS. I DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO GO THROUGH WHAT I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH. 7 WEEKS AGO I WAS IN PAIN DAILY. I HAVE NO PAIN MEDICINE. SINCE I LOST SOME WEIGHT I DO NOT BE IN SO MUCH PAIN. THIS WEEK HAVE BEEN A LITTLE BAD BECAUSE IM IN PAIN BUT I WILL GET THROUGH IT. ITS BAD WHEN YOU HATE TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE IN PAIN.THAT WAS THE OLD ME THE NEW ME GET UP AND GET MY DAY STARTED WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE. I LOVE WHO I AM BECOMING IM NOW HAPPY ITS BEEN A LONG TIME..

3 comments:

Dani said...

Atta girl! Keep that smile on your face and be grateful for each and every day, because each one truly is a blessing. You're doing so well, and you're going to keep on keeping on. So excited you're sharing your journey with us. I'm following along.

LALA2010 said...

THANKS DANI FOR FOLLOWING ME ON THIS.. PPL LIKE YOU KEEPS ME GOING.

Lyn said...

Hey there, how are you doing? I am excited to watch you changing your life. You are awesome :)